yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
