Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
