Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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