I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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