We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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