we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
