Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
