You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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