u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
