She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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