they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
