I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
