new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize