i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
