you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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