you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
