he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
