im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
