Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
