I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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