I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
