it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
