I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
