I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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