she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
