ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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