when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
