What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
