just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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