We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She's the barista slut.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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