guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
