I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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