from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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