I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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