dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
