i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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