I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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