why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My life is pants optional.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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