SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
