is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
