Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
