i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
