I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I cockslap morals
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
