found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
