I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He did a backflip because drugs
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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