Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
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You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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