Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
