Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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