Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
