Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
