you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
