I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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