so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
