I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
