Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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