Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
