I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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