he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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