I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
