i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
