Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
