your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
