I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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