went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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