His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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